Sundays It Begins Anew

I started a diet today
It's going to be different then the rest
I'm determined, I'm committed, my head's on straight
and I'm going to try my best

I'll stick to the plan completely
It isn't even a question
Healthful snacks and leafy greens
And Tums to prevent indigestion

The day started with half a grapefruit
I washed it down with some camomile
A half an hour of jogging later
I was looking forward to my next healthful meal

Lunch got a little bit iffy
Things became somewhat amiss
I had my large salad with salmon
But I washed it down with a Hershey Kiss

Listen, it was only one
You have no right to judge
I did my exercise! I drank my water!
And who can resist the taste of fudge?!

At 3 o'clock on the dot
It was time for my well-earned snack
Fat free yogurt and celery sticks
And my perseverance began to crack

It was only 7 Potato chips
4 Jelly beans- just a small taste
I deserve it! I'd worked so hard up till now!
And I wouldn't want it to go to waste

I did a couple of sit ups
A half-attempt at yoga, for argument's sake
Drank a bottle of water
Washed it down with a brownie cake

By the time supper rolled 'round
I was armed with new-found conviction
But the healthy choices I'd painstakingly planned
Just didn't come to fruition.

I started off with a protein
And a dollop of something green
But dessert was the rest of the potato chips
Behind the sofa so I wouldn't be seen

It didn't end there, though I wish it had
A box of cookies, some chocolate, what sorrow!
Pringles, ice cream, a doughnut or three
Oh well....there's always tomorrow.

An Ode To The Diet

This post isn't for those
that are naturally thin
Can eat anything they want
And still look like a pin

This is for those among us
Who've watched the scale jump by fives
Atkins, Weight Watchers, Cabbage Soup
We've been dieting most of our lives.

It always starts off well
Sunday and Monday go according to plan
We sneak a brownie on Tuesday and Wednesday
And by Friday we finish the pan.

We start off with 8 cups of water,
Pilates and crunches on the floor
But by the end of the week the only workout I get
Is opening the refrigerator door

Though my husband's been dieting with me
His behavior's been way out of bounds
I eat lettuce and lose not an ounce
He eats fast food and drops away the pounds

So I'm tempted to give up
As my girth expands and grows
The only thing keeping my eye on the prize
Is that I need to fit into my clothes

So when you pass me in the supermarket, you can easily spot me
I may look hungry or determined or meek
I'll insist I'm shopping for Tofu and Salad
But there will be telltale crumbs on my cheek.