An Ode To The Diet

This post isn't for those
that are naturally thin
Can eat anything they want
And still look like a pin

This is for those among us
Who've watched the scale jump by fives
Atkins, Weight Watchers, Cabbage Soup
We've been dieting most of our lives.

It always starts off well
Sunday and Monday go according to plan
We sneak a brownie on Tuesday and Wednesday
And by Friday we finish the pan.

We start off with 8 cups of water,
Pilates and crunches on the floor
But by the end of the week the only workout I get
Is opening the refrigerator door

Though my husband's been dieting with me
His behavior's been way out of bounds
I eat lettuce and lose not an ounce
He eats fast food and drops away the pounds

So I'm tempted to give up
As my girth expands and grows
The only thing keeping my eye on the prize
Is that I need to fit into my clothes

So when you pass me in the supermarket, you can easily spot me
I may look hungry or determined or meek
I'll insist I'm shopping for Tofu and Salad
But there will be telltale crumbs on my cheek.